The Deep Longing

For those that have been following me for a while, you know that I have had a deep longing to be in France. The deep longing for a land that has been calling me for almost 20 years has become so strong, the decision has been made to make it a reality.

This decision does not come with smooth sailing, there have been setbacks and things occur out of my control that at times can make it hard to feel that it will come to fruition.

The internal narrative that rears its head whispers in my ear, “ 'This would be different if I was in France right now’, ‘I can’t create that until I am there, it won’t work here’.”

These are thoughts that often follow me when I work, prepare a workshop or package product. It is with a tinge of sadness that I long for France, thinking sometimes that things would be better, work out more easily, move more smoothly if I was already there. I recognise that this is a romantic projection of what I think things would look like since being in Australia the last few years has not been all rainbows and butterflies. I just know in my heart, I am meant to be somewhere else. I have felt for sometime now that part of me is already there, only deepening the longing.

In all honesty, coming back to Australia from the U.K. years ago with my husband was a stepping stone towards a life in France but rather planned for later in life, more likely an early retirement. A lot has happened in the world since our move back to Australia and a lot has happened in recent times that have made a lot of us question what the hell we are waiting for.

After having to go through life saving surgery for a pregnancy that was threatening my life I felt my longings and desires feel abstract like a dream that would stay in the lucidity of my sleep. A few months after grieving the loss of that life and the loss of yet another organ within me, we were gifted a miracle. Our daughter Una, her name literally meaning ‘The One’. My pregnancy and birth with her has been a portal between the worlds that has linked me to the things I have longed for and the things I cherish most. She and the life she has gifted our family has ignited within us the direction of knowing exactly what we want.

When the pandemic hit, things shifted and it truly expanded our reality of possibility. With most of the world moving online, it shifted the way we related in the world and changed things for both my business and my husband’s work: suddenly it was obvious that we didn’t need to be in a specific place to work - we could be anywhere in the world that we wanted. And we didn’t have to wait until retirement to make it happen – the move to France could happen as soon as wewanted.

And so, the embers that were once a glowing fire for France lit up, this time in the form of a raging bonfire. Something either one of us could turn a blind eye to.

There are signs everywhere that it’s where I am meant to be for my business and my family. I don’t resonate with the life here and have always felt a strong affinity and respect for France, for the culture, the food, the way of life more generally. There is also a longing to connect to the Earth there. I feel it so strongly within me. Being in Australia simply does not resonate anymore. The truth is that in Australia, time and traditions are warped from North American influences and global traditions. For instance, we celebrate Easter and Halloween at a time when it’s not spring or autumn and it just feels off for someone who has always had reverence and a deeper connection to the Earth. I find it discouraging that we follow the outside world rather than allowing ourselves to follow the ancient Indigenous practices that honour the Earth’s seasons as they are intended.

Moving to France is not a decision I came to lightly – it takes a lot of consideration to move your family someplace different. I don’t have myself to think about. I know that if the decision lay solely with me, I would have been there two years ago, or when the thought came into my mind. Since the decision was made, there were a lot of external factors of which I had no control over. To add to covid, which put a huge delay on our move, there is also the current state of war between Ukraine and Russia that has made moving to the EU feel scary and uncertain and remain in the balance with the rising prices of everything. And it’s a whole other thing when you have children to think about, a house to sell, funds to accumulate in savings to allow the first few months of settling in to move easily, all while maintaining a relatively steadily flowing business while travelling, moving, unpacking, settling. All while trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life for our girls with activities and homeschooling here. We are doing things humbly, for ourselves, while maintaining a life for the girls because we do still have a life to live. In short, moving your whole life overseas is a feat for a family of five and a spoiled sausage dog!

But I hold true to my dream. Despite some days feeling like it is never going to happen, we have made the resolution to move to France and I take steps to ensure that remains in the forefront of our minds.

The goal post moved but the goal hasn’t changed.

This is the beauty of ritual and creating altars: you can make them your own, make them special to you and ensure that they work in helping you manifest your desires. The inner temple that we connect to when we tune into our breath is the most Sacred Space that we can experience. But as important as it is to create a Sacred Space within, we can also seek Sacred Spaces outside of ourselves: places and reference points that feel safe, inviting, that remind us of our why by anchoring us in the present moment.

Most people subscribe to the outdated idea that you make an altar and dedicate yourself to meeting with it to pray in the hope of getting what you want. But sitting in front of your altar daily or on the New Moon will not bring your manifestation to you. An altar is simply a point of reference. Creating an altar is meant to focus our energy to a specific intention; altars become a point of remembering and gentle reflection to reconnect, to remind you of the things you value.

People also often hear the word altar and think of elaborate, gilded shrines with esoteric pieces handed down as heirlooms or discovered in Sacred places. As beautiful as this sounds, this is not the point of an altar. The altar must be sacred to you and must be fitted with an object(s) that has personal value to you and your current journey and intention. An altar can be just one object placed on your nightstand so long as it is intentional to you, has meaning to you. It is not the beautiful, overly gilded shrines that make an altar Sacred, like a world dominated by Patriarchal Religion has made us think. Intention is what makes the object Sacred and amplifies the power you receive from it.

When I look to my altar, the noise around me fades and the visual reminder serves as a pause for my busy mind. Altars ensure I return to a moment of stillness. I have created many altars throughout my home and these are spaces that remind me of my why in anything I do.

There is an intention behind everything that you put on your altar.

So when you create your altar, you begin to adorn it with pieces that are special and unique to you - objects, photos, stones, herbs, flowers that mean something to you or that which you are trying to call in, that which will remind you of your why, your soul’s purpose, your intention. Each of these objects is intended to connect to the senses. The Art of Ritual is, at its core, a sensual practice.

This point of remembering that is my altar is what allows me to go within. When I sit in Sacred Space, I have a deep reverence and connection to the objects adorning it. The Earth is a big part of my Practice and so, my Altar is mainly fitted with objects and things from the Earth and from Nature. In the moments I set aside to journal about my desires or when I get a glimpse of my altars I do chores around the house, I am prompted with visions that keep France fresh in my mind:

I see clearly the expansive land on which I want to live and use to grow my garden and herbs. I see the golden orange light of the sun blessing my home. I smell the subtle scent of the classic Fleur de Lys that grows at springtime… In my mind’s eye, I am transported to France and see it all around me by attuning my senses to that which I know intuitively will welcome me there. In my process, I use my senses: taste, touch, smell, sight, sounds in any way shape and form to visualise that which I want and build the reality in my mind of everything that I imagine. That vision is what I hold on to and makes things move more easily. Within my visualisation I discover new ways I can bring France to me: with the foods we choose to cook and indulge in: my girls love selecting french cheeses from our local Fromagerie and trying them all, to our family crepe making on the weekends and only speaking french at the dinner table. To the music that I listen to: the specific playlist on my spotify that my girls help select every track. To my daughters once a week French School encourages us to deepen our French language as a family so that we are more connected to the country. These ideas are all inspiration that has come through when I allow myself to dream and connect to my desires through sensual pleasures that I create in my mind. I merge who I am with who I want to be.

It is the little things we do everyday that build the vision to create the prosperity we co-create in our lives.

I think it is important to acknowledge that I do get a lot of questions about specific practices that I do in my daily life. And while I would love to share that, I acknowledge that it is personal to me. That is my Sacred and something I do not hand over without a deep sense of trust and relationship. I don’t share what I am doing specifically because it is for me and me alone and other energies are not welcome until I am done. Once I have practised something, integrated it and written it down in my personal grimoire I will keep it there as a resource to share with others when it feels right. Creating rituals, spells and magick from scratch takes a very deep trance like experience where I am connected and in between the realms - it is not a place where a phone or camera resides, it is not a place I allow anyone to enter. I share my deep personal work when trust has been established but with this digital age trust is something hard to come by.

So in my practice of summoning something into my reality the process is two fold: create an altar (internal or external) as a point of reference and allow yourself to be guided toward ways you can visualise and invoke the senses to really build clarity around that which you want and desire. Your altar serves to remind you of your desires… It is the point from which you access the inner realms and begin to weave with the threads of magick available to you at that time.

We are on the heels of the New Moon in Cancer. This workshop was all about healing the Matrilineal Wounds within the nurturing water sign. And although the Mother Wound may not sound like it has anything to do with summoning something in or birthing your desired intention, this workshop gently guides you to clear space in order to bring clarity in your life so you can begin to see things more clearly through our connection to our ancestral threads. I invite you to join me for this workshop. The recording is still available for purchase on my website if you missed the live. So if you’re curious to discover more, I invite you to sign up and discover what your ancestors are wanting to gift you and the resolution you can find within your life to create anew.